Dear Diary

I wasn’t going to post anything here till after my project defense. Honestly that was a stupid idea but well that changed this evening during night devotion. While we all sang and worshipped God, I began to smile and my heart was filled with so much love. It was really such a beautiful feeling. Believe me. 

I got back to my room still feeling this love and I picked up my prayer book/bible diary ( if you don’t have one and you’re on this Jesus walk I suggest you get one. It helps me express so much. It helps Sha, you should try it out). So I opened my book and I wrote how  loved up in my saviour I was feeling. After that He moved me to read past entries in my journal and when I got to my entry on the 31st of march He asked me to share it here. Honestly I thought twice like Lord it’s a journal, a “between-me-and-you-book” but he has asked me to and I’m learning to totally trust His leading so here it is. I hope that whoever God intends to speak to through this will hear and not only hear but listen and be moved in the spirit.

“March-31-2017,

Lord Jesus I just want to thank you. Lord I look around me and see a lot of problems and challenges and instead of believing and knowing that no matter the situation, you are GOOD, I choose to wallow in self-pity and anger at you and human beings that I depended on to have helped me. But now lord I realize that no matter what I go through, you are GOOD, your goodness does not depend on my trials and situations because you are GOD and even if I cannot see it lord you keep taking care of me. Even when I don’t deserve it you are still mindful of me. Thank you lord. Who am I lord that you are in love with me?, who am I that you have blessed me with your spirit? Lord who am I to deserve the salvation and peace and joy that you have given unto me? Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus. Where would I have been if you had not reached out your hands to save me? Where would I have been if you had not reached out to deliver me from the clutches of hell?                                       Lord you are merciful, my rock of ages, my burden bearer, my never drying river of joy, my peace of mind, my beautiful song, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Lord I love you, I love you. The smile that comes to my face when I think about you is just so amazing. Lord you are so beautiful, too beautiful for words. Lord you are beautiful.                     Lord I surrender again and again to you. Jesus I know that it will not be easy but lord I pick up the cross over and over again. I belong to you. Lord I sacrifice my life and I take on yours. Lord let my life be expressions of heaven. Lord I want people to see me and know that I am your child. Lord I withhold nothing today, lord I want you to look at me and see your reflection. Lord I want to be like you. Help me to be more like you. I love you Jesus. I love you. Lord let this love never end in Jesus name. Amen”

Thanks for reading, remain loved up!.

Inside info: You are Good!!! Halleluyah!!! You are Good!!!- Tye tribett originally and additionally;)Oluchi Ogbonnaya, Olatunji Bukola,Arowolaju Demilade,Gbalajobi Omowonuola,Emmanuel Oluwayemisi, Okafor Erika and you…

When I’m not mad!

        “When I’m not mad” 

This used to be my reply to quite a number of discussions bothering on how to treat people or how to respond to how people might have treated me. (Quite frankly, it is still my reply sometimes) and I’m sure it is yours sometimes too and if it isn’t, well congrats you have matured in Gods’ school of love (of course the learning never ends but yeah, congrats still). To make this gist a bit more relatable I’ll give an example of one of the times where my reply to a discussion was “when I’m not mad”.

In 2011, I lost my dad (this is me being absolutely vulnerable which is quite difficult for me but this is what He has asked me to share so I must). Moving on, we’re an Igbo family so as is tradition we had to travel back to the village to lay him to rest and perform all the many funeral rites we Igbo’s perform. The main drift here is some people really treated us badly that year during our time in the village and it was very hurtful and I had carried this burden in my heart since and had plans that when I get old enough (which happened this year) I’d call for a meeting and let them know my mind (of course insults and a truck load of attitude was part of the plan). I was already gingered after my birthday this year, planning my speech and the different faces I’d put on whilst giving the speech and even the dress I’d wear because of course you have to slay hard for that kind of setting naw.

Anyway, all my plans got cancelled over the weekend when I was observing my quiet time and the Lord got talking. This God can be funny sometimes sha. When we started the gist, from nowhere, he just took my mind back to the time of the funeral in the village, I saw the entire event in my mind and I felt all of the pain of the ill treatment all over again and all the anger at those people and I was already getting angry like “Father why would you take me back to the worst time in my life?” and he replied “love, I want you to love them like I have loved you” and it is funny but my immediate answer was “ when it’s not that I’m mad, love who?” and he started to explain things to me in detail and after that discussion I got it and I repented of not loving people how I should as God’s child.

The major key today is John 13:34 (a new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. KJV). Here Jesus tells us to love people EXACTLY how he has loved us. Infact he commanded us. Note that he didn’t give exceptions to the kinds of people we should love. He didn’t say if they love you then you can love them as I have loved you. There was nothing like that, it was a clear,straight forward statement. Love one another as I have loved you. Shikena! How did/does Jesus love you? Well you already know this. He sold out to you and gave his life for you even if you didn’t or don’t care. meaning “the quality of your response to me does not determine the amount of love I have for you”. 

 Do you now see the kind of love you should have for everyone? If you don’t still get it, let’s bring it down a little more.
This love looks something like this, you throw a mad surprise party for a friend’s birthday, spend a serious amount of money to make the day as memorable as can be for this person and this person totally forgets yours and you don’t hate him or her and decide not to even buy the person any presents when its Christmas time instead you even purpose in your heart to buy him or her an even more beautiful present for Christmas even if they again might not buy you any why? Because Jesus could have easily forgotten you or even hated you for acting like his dying on the cross is just ‘beans’, but he chooses to keep loving you every day. Another angle would be when some girl in your class just comes with a false accusation that you said something you didn’t say and she of course does this the loudest way she can  with maximum insults to humiliate you. Your human nature will of course want you to give it back to her as hot as she dished it to you. I mean why wouldn’t you “when you’re not mad” right? But guess what? Christ’s love contradicts your human nature and natural feelings and in such situations responds with something supernatural. 

I’m saying all these not because I have it all together. I haven’t gotten to the level of expressing such extreme “unreasonable” love but I want to and from the depth of my heart I ask God to REDUCE ME TO LOVE. I hope you pray this prayer as well because I’m praying for you that you do. Imagine a world where we all display this love as we are commanded. Just imagine…

Inside Info: Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.- George Bernard Shaw. 

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Awakened

Hey guys!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 I’m so excited that you’re here to start this journey with me, to watch how God helps me grow in Him. I pray that this post speaks to a need in your spirit and that you also pick up the cross and begin to grow in Jesus name.Today I’m sharing a testimony of how I was awakened to the awesome love of Christ and how I fell in love with Him( yes guys I’m in love😁😂and it feels amazing to be honest) Sha Sha moving on to my big gist.

So I was born into a christian family and I’ve been attending church before I even knew what a church was. I had always answered Christian to every document that required me to fill in my religious status without fully grasping what it means to be a christian and not like I even cared at the time. I atended a missionary secondary school and in my first year and almost first service in school I answered an altar call and in that moment I thought I was saved but I would later realise that that response to that call was based on sheer emotion and a feeling of obligation. I of course continued to attend church and I thoroughly enjoyed some of the numerous services I attended after that and would be so touched by the songs or a message or maybe the choir ministration that I would cry but I knew I had not fully fallen under the canopy of God. Somewhere in a very subdued part of my heart I knew I still had not allowed God into my heart and that’s the thing about God, there’s no half full half empty situation. It’s full or empty. You’re either hot or cold. See what He says in Revelation 3:16 “since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out.(NLT)”.But I had not understood this at the time so I thought I was half full which was enough for me and of course my Jesus loved me then regardless and this was one thing i told myself in my heart. That He loved me, which He did and still does and will forever do.                          I graduated secondary school and got into the university. I have never been what some people call a ‘bad’ girl because I didn’t smoke,drank only occasionally(until i got trapped) , dressed decently(most times) no tattoos(only because my mother would behead me if I ever considered it) plus I still used to attend church and do the occasional crying so I was comfortable with myself. I still didn’t care.                                                     About a year ago,my family started going through a series of really rough turns and it was then that I realized that sometimes in life, God screams to you in your struggles(C.S Lewis taught me this). There are a few people like myself who when life seems all rosy, forget that God is the ultimate reason for our existence. Truth be told some people never come to the knowlegde of God or never get transformed until they feel trouble.For such people it will take a degree of the feeling of absolute helplessness to draw them to God. Well, that happened to me and so I started to gradually care and started seeking a relationship with God. Now the problem with building the relationship at this point was belief in the fact that Jesus Christ had died totally for me and that by the blood he shed on the cross I am forgiven of all sins. I was struggling with accepting God’s grace,trying to do it by myself and depending on my works and so I would be serving God and suddenly when I committed a sin and asked for forgiveness, I let the accuser(Satan) continue to accuse me and put thoughts in my head and finally I’d feel I wasn’t going to ever make a good enough Christian so why try and I’d completely go back to my sins. 

Until about two months ago one afternoon on my bed in school I read something on Instagram about a girl who posted some write up on her Christian race and all her shortcomings but still exudes such confidence in the power of the blood of Jesus to make her new every time she errs. She talked on how she has been forgiven a long time ago ( by the way, this taught me that God reaches out to people in whichever way he choses). I’m eternally grateful for that moment for as I read that post, the Holy spirit began the stir the waters in my spirit and I said ENOUGH! to the accuser. A voice and a very strong audacity rose up in me and I began to pray. I told God how much I knew I had fallen away from Him but how I wanted back into His light. I told the devil to get out of my head and how he is a loser and will forever be one and instantly love like I’ve never felt it before filled my heart. In that moment I  started to love God for how mighty he is. I began to think of how small I am in a world of over 7 billion people and how undeserving I am of such unconditional love from a God that is too big for words who gave his son to die for me. It felt too beautiful. It still does. I couldn’t understand such love that such a MIGHTY God has for me. I cried. I started to cry so much my head hurt. I fell at His feet in that moment and asked that he takes all of me. All of me and nothing should be left.( see John 3:30“ He must increase but I must decrease” ). I kept crying and professing my love for him and peace like still waters began to flow within me. The Joy I feel as a result of that experience is ineffable. God loves me!!! And because such a MIGHTY, BEAUTIFUL, AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT God loves me so unapologetically  He says it clearly in his word that while I was yet a sinner (who couldn’t care less if He existed or not) He gave His son Jesus to die for me. This blew my mind people, like I was blown away and that I am the apple of His eyes, the thought that fills His heart every morning,noon and night just makes me so glad to say I love Him. I cannot help but love Him guys. Because God loves me, I cannot be anything but beautiful. Because I am created in His image and likeness, I am a god over all the battles of life. Guys, I have seen the light, I have tasted and seen that God is good. Have you?. Will you choose to embrace this Love that’ll turn all of your pains to joy? this love that’ll transform your heart and give you peace? Because this love is real like there’s nothing more real. I pray for you today that you come to the knowledge of the Love of God for that is really the core of it all… 

   Inside Info: Education as important as it is, without values only makes man a more clever devil – C.S Lewis.